Why This Humble Author Thinks Macs Suck

I'll come right out and say it: Macs suck. I'm sorry if that offends you. I'm just calling it how it is. I'd be defensive if I paid a king's ransom on something that really isn't that spectacular. Hell, I defend Onan generators and mine has been nothing but hell. It's probably because I keep dumping money into it, and it's still an asshole. Everyone says they're the best, but honestly, mine is the generator from the 9th circle. It's also 30 years old. But, it's running. At least for today.

Now, before you accuse me of having some deep rooted anti-Mac bias, I'll correct you. My first computer was an Apple II. I cut my teeth on Power Macs in middle school. I learned my graphic design skills on G3's and G4's. I have spent a decent chunk of my formative years goofing with them. Back when they were called Macintosh. Back when they were actually something different.

So, here's my list of gripes:

1. You just spent roughly 2000 dollars on your MacBook Pro. Congrats, you've been ripped off. The component specs aren't much different than my Toshiba laptop we purchased a few months back. Guess what? We paid 1/3rd of the amount you did. And I can fix it myself if something breaks on it.

2. The myth that "creative" software runs much better on a Mac died when they decided to get rid of the PowerPC line. Guess what? You have an Intel processor just like I do. And guess what? You don't run Photoshop any faster than I do.

3. I don't know where this myth that OS X is so much easier to use came from. Maybe I severely overestimate the intelligence of people. I was able to reinstall MS-DOS 6.22 and Windows 3.11 from scratch in 8th grade. That wasn't very hard, and it's become much easier over time. And, any tweaks most people will do in Windows are so easy that your garden variety windowlicker could do it blindfolded and tied to a chair.

4. Apple is now more restrictive than Microsoft. Go figure. Also, hardly anyone develops for Mac. Bummer.

5. I can build my own PC from scratch. Can you do that with a Mac? Nope. Of course, going with my kneejerk reaction that most Mac users are just a notch above mouth breather, they probably have no interest in such things. Which is all well and good. I'm just saying that if you can put together a Lego set, you can build a computer.

6. And now we arrive at the virus myth. First, no one makes viruses for Mac because hardly anyone uses Macs. It's not that they're virus-proof, it's that no one cares. And also, the easiest way to catch a virus on a PC is being a complete dip and either trying to pirate software from an obviously skuzzy source, or cruising the back alleys of the Interwebs for bad porno. Either way, if your excuse for leaving PC's for Macs was viruses, you're either a thief or a dirty pervert.

7. Apple fan"persons" are probably the most annoying folk on the damn planet, hands down.

8. If you hate Windows, there's always Linux. Which isn't much different than Mac OS X. And, it can be free. Everyone likes free. Unless you're a hipster douche who wants to stand out at Starbucks.

I could think of more, but I don't want to. You know where I stand. Buy a real computer, not some shiny toy that thinks it's a computer.

Love and kisses,
The Cranky Ferret