Ferrets are Half Assed Luddites

Yes, the ferrets are starting to become half-assed Luddites. If you don’t know what a Luddite is, well, they’re people who think technology is evil. I don’t think all technology is evil, but I really can’t say I’m fond of the path it’s taking. And by not fond, I mean: the robots are going to eat your soul and enslave you forever. If you think I’m being dramatic, you’re completely right. I’m not going to become a slave to the robots. They’re not very friendly, and they smell like cabbage.

I’m not going to spend hours talking about the intricacies of the subject. I’m not even going to get into little things like facts and statistics. Those are for the birds. I’m going off pure instinct, and half remembered stuff I’ve read lately.

The first half remembered article that sticks in my mind featured lots of nifty photoshops of people magically ordering shoes off the Internet from thin air. There were also lots of little bubbles hanging over people’s heads that displayed tons of information about them that no one cared about. I think the gist of it was that you can go on a date with someone, and they’ll know all about you. Great. Who needs to get to know someone when a ghostly info bubble appears over their head telling you all you need to know? I’m not sure how this info bubble got there. Maybe these people have eye computers or special glasses. That’s not important. What is important is this: the bubble thing isn’t an inherently bad idea because of people filled out those bubbles like they filled out their Facebook profiles, I’d damned well know who to avoid. I also remember said article saying that computers will be 32.6357x more powerful, and they’ll put you out of work. Remember that slavery thing I told you about a minute ago? Enjoy your new computer overlords.

Also, apparently, you can pay for crap with your cell phone now. Yippee. If my track record with cell phones is any indication, I wouldn’t trust mine to be used as a paperweight. It’s only going to take a handful of morons who end up giving Joe at the Chevron their entire bank account before people realize that’s a bad idea. I’ll take this one step further. PayPal offers a nice moronic app (app is moronspeak for “I’m too lazy to say application and I’m dumb as hell“) that also sits wrong with me. If you and one of your fellow moron friends have a Draconian Closed Mobile Tether (hereby referred to as an iPhone), you can bump each other money. I think a better feature would be the ability to bump your iPhone into a brick wall and shatter it. It, and all smartphones, are truly unnecessary devices for most of the world. If I have to explain why, then you need a kick to the neck. You don’t need to be connected everywhere you go. You don’t need applications to count your butt hairs or tell you what eco-friendly restaurant serves tapas in 3 block radius at a whim. Do something else. Talk to someone in the store next to you. Don’t sit there fidgeting with your stupid gadget. You look like an asshole.

I’m getting long winded, and this entry is starting to suck. I’ll try and wrap it up. There is nothing inherently wrong with computers or technology. However, you do not need it wherever you go. And, it does not need to be tied into everything you do. I’m sure you’ve all felt the frustration of a retail store’s computers on the fritz, and you can’t even buy a damn loaf of bread. Well, imagine the frustration when that happens to the entire world you live in. That’s the price we pay for trying to make our lives easier through technology. Everything just gets more complex and ridiculous.

Mark it 8 Dude,
Cranky Ferret

3 comments:

Cyber Hippie Gypsies said...

The CHP and the Ferrets would get along great.

ModredVintage said...

I don't have a cell phone, and I get mocked. It's okay, I don't have cell phone bills either.

MAB Jewelry said...

I recently got a new, very complicated cell phone from my employer. It took me several days to figure out how to answer it, and two weeks to figure out it had a camera. I used the camera to take a picture of the cat. But it is red and shiny.

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