And now, a long plodding screed about the benefits of austerity.

You want to know what my one indulgence is?

Every other day, I buy a Full Throttle energy drink and a single Chocodile. They make those mornings absolutely wonderful. I always feel guilty buying them, but it's the last link I have to a life I once lived.

I'm not going to bore anyone with details here. This isn't going to turn into a crazy manifesto about how capitalism needs to burn in the fires of hell. This is just the thoughts of one guy who felt his life being annihilated by the system in which we lived.

I had a job. I sat at a desk all day. I was getting fat. My hours sucked. I never slept. I was puking blood. I hardly ever got to see my wife. The pay was crap. The commute was even more crap. We had a cute house. We paid too much to rent it. The neighbors all sucked. Whine, whine, whine.

This is said to provide context for the rest of the story. We tried to live by society's standards and practices. We tried our damnedest. It wasn't working. The harder I tried, the more I kept dreaming of what else was out there. Scaling the highest mountains, driving a muscle car through the desert at sunset, laying on a beach in Mexico. These never happened. Instead, it was just the same routine for almost all days. A soul crushing routine. My life was just a tool to make other people rich and powerful, and I knew it. There's nothing you can do about that.

Well, there was something that could be done about it. And, it happened. I, for one, thank God for making it all work. I can only chalk it up to God. Sometimes, things happen too perfectly. He didn't make it easy, but it worked. That's all I can say about that.

With all this, most of the staples of modern existence are missing from our lives.

We don't have any TV. If we did, it sure wouldn't be a 52" inch HDTV. What the hell is the point? Life isn't lived through a giant rectangle. With the money you spent on that piece of crap, you could have actually done something interesting. Oh well, your loss.

I haven't seen a shopping center in weeks. We went into a Walmart almost 2 months ago, and even after being away from civilization for 2 weeks, it was too much to grasp. I don't know if I could handle going to one now. There's just too much.

I don't know what movies are new and hip. I don't want to know. They're all crap.

What's more important are the things I've gained.

Plain tortilla chips have become exciting. I've seen my first jackrabbit, roadrunner, and quail. The sunsets are even more beautiful than I've ever known. I don't even know what an alarm clock is good for. All of my newest friends are over 65 years old. Vanilla ice cream finally became delicious. Branson seems like someplace I'd actually WANT to visit. I've known what not having a neighbor within a mile is like. I've learned to sleep on my back. I can identify rocks. I don't give a damn about Tiger Woods. And, etc. The list is huge, and no one cares. I'm happy with no one caring.

Simplicity is wonderful. I can finally pay attention to life.

I don't know if the rest of the world felt the way I did. I'm most likely insane as hell. I do know, however, that I get this feeling most of us are unhappy. I sense this feeling in people like we're all cows led to the slaughterhouse.

All I can say to that is: free your yoke, leave it all behind, and there's a slight chance you might find what you were missing. Because, let's be honest, what's missing in life isn't the following: Olive Garden, sports games, overcomplicated cell phones, nightlife, BMW, $400,000 houses, a career for a company who really doesn't care about you, and a well manicured kentucky bluegrass yard.

And if that is what's missing from your life...

Sucks to be you. I'm sure you'll make a tasty hamburger.

Mark it 8, Dude
Dave The Cranky Ferret